[Continue]

If that single strand of fetal hair, suspended between the oropharynx and the nasopharynx, had never appeared; if that strand of fetal hair had not been tossed about by the amniotic fluid flowing in and out; if that strand of fetal hair had not repeatedly plucked drop after drop of mucus; if the fetus’s trachea had been silenced by the amniotic fluid——and was no longer hollow— —nor did it resist any longer; if the fetus’s sinuses were sealed by mucus and fell into silence —— with no cracks remaining —— nor did it resist any longer; if the fetus’s sheer intuition ceased to ‘let the mind wander’ —— and also fell into silence ——  and no longer perceives any echo whatsoever; if the fetus’s sheer intuition no longer allows ‘silence’ to become the universe —— but allows ‘silence’ to merely sink into silence —— and no longer regards that vague and fuzzy ‘unbound-imagination’ as the sole echo, shifting in shape near and afar, within the entire silent universe… The word “if” can be written or spoken endlessly; it can be spoken by a single mouth or by countless mouths; it can be written by a single hand or by countless hands; it can be spoken by a single mouth countless times or written by a single hand countless times; it could also be a single mouth or a single hand ‘creating’ countless ‘ifs’, or even countless mouths or countless hands creating those countless ‘ifs’ into an infinitely vast and infinitely beautiful universe—a parallel universe—a universe of language—a universe of words—a grand universe—a beautiful universe… Little do they know that any mouse would be plunged into a silence of collapse and despair at this —— does that fetus suspended in amniotic fluid need an ‘if’ to resist that sudden ‘acidosis’ or ‘suffocation’ —— does that fetus, sealed within the amniotic cavity, require an ‘if’ to combat that ultimate situation, trapped within the amniotic fluid and the placenta —— does that infant, with its neck constricted, also need an ‘if’ to resist that ‘sheer fantasy’ capable of utterly erasing ego —— does that infant, unaltered by language, still need an ‘if’ to resist that mighty hand capable of completely stripping ego away from sheer sound?

That single strand of fetal hair will inevitably appear; it will surely be tossed about in the polluted stream, and it will surely, in one hollow or crevice after another —— pluck, again and again, drop after drop, stream after stream, clump after clump, strand after strand, chunk after chunk, gust after gust, wall after wall, structure after structure of mucus.

That single mouse shall also inevitably appear; it shall surely carry away ‘sheer fantasy’, and even more surely bring forth ‘sheer sound’.

I was wrong.

There are countless kinds of silence, but there is one kind of ‘silence’ that can become the universe —— it is complete silence or ultimate silence —— it is also sheer silence —— and it is, moreover, an absolute refusal to be silent.

That fetus’s absolute refusal to be silent is a ‘sheer choice’ between two options: either to approach the sheer origin, or to reach the sheer terminus, without exception, without compromise.

Compromise is not finding a ‘middle ground’—there is no middle path or centrist choice between the sheer origin and the sheer terminus, and even the slightest ‘compromise’ constitutes a breach of the commitment to sheer intuition.

Is that infant breaching the commitment to sheer intuition? Only by not renouncing revisions can one remain absolutely vocal and not-silent.

Never remain silent, will it absolutely have echo? Even the ‘never remain silent’ of a stillborn infant or fetus finds an echo —— for that sheer silence is the echo  —— yet it seems as though there is not a single sound in that stillness —— as though they have been consigned to oblivion more thoroughly and without a trace than if they had ‘never existed’ —— as if, in a beautiful universe, endless silence has buried the ‘sheer intuition’ of ‘never remaining silent’ without a trace, whilst those fortunate living fetuses and living infants —— will they never be plunged into a silence that is both shattered and despairing?

What is tempering? I don’t know, because ironically, I need to be tempered.

However, the sheer intuition that never remains silent already knows.

Even if that fetus were to remain forever fortunate, it would inevitably float upon the ever-shifting seas of language, of writing, of ‘sheer’, of ‘silence’, of time, of choice… Just as the ‘silence’ within language or writing is ever-changing and boundless, so too is ‘sheer like the shifting droplets, beads, currents, columns, puddles, pools, mist, vapor, splashes, or reflections of water in the vast ocean… That infant cannot remain forever fortunate; it will inevitably be altered by language at every moment —— altered to possess the gender and persona found within language —— altered to possess the ‘thought’ and ‘silence’ found within language —— altered to possess the hands, eyes, ears, mouth, nose, sound, light, color, taste, and scent found within language —— and further altered to possess the ‘loneliness’ and ‘ego’ found within language… That fetus, too, will be transformed by language ceaselessly —— even whilst slumbering within the placenta, it will still be transformed —— even whilst resting quietly, buoyed by the amniotic fluid and guided by the umbilical cord, it will still be transformed —— it will be transformed to possess the ‘pharynx’, ‘oropharynx’, ‘nasopharynx’, ‘trachea’, ‘sinuses’, ‘esophagus’, ‘oral cavity’, ‘tongue-tip’, ‘finger-tip’, ‘toe-tip’, nose tip’, ‘hair tip’, ‘eyebrow tip’, ‘torso’, ‘brainstem’, ‘eye-corner’, ‘mouth-corner’, ‘left brain’, ‘right brain’, ‘left hand’, ‘right hand’ and any component required by language —— and transformed to possess language’s ‘suspension’, ‘encroachment’, ‘overturning’, ‘plucking’, ‘metamorphosis’, ‘entry and exit’, ‘surging’, ‘dousing’, ‘becoming’, ‘surrendering’, ‘until’, ‘blocking’, ‘sealing’, ‘letting the mind wander’, ‘silence’, ‘resistance’, ‘confrontation’ and any other actions required by language —— it will also be transformed to possess language’s gendered perspectives and age-related intuitions —— and will be further transformed to possess language’s ‘cosmic crevices’ and ‘ego voids’… That mouse will still be altered by language —— altered in the immaculacy and sharpness of its four incisors —— altered in the gripping and trampling force of its eighteen claws and toes —— altered in the greyness and scale of its form —— altered in the sense of smell when approaching the ‘nostrils’ and the hearing when drawing near the ‘earlobes’ — — altered in the number of times it ‘unboundly imagines’ and ‘falls into silence’ back and forth between the ‘nostrils’ and the ‘earlobes’ —— as if being profoundly transformed by a playmate with countless large hands with countless sweet dreams…

And yet, can the existence of that single strand of fetal hair be altered by language? Can the myriad forms of that mucus be altered by language? Can the interplay and fluctuations between that strand of fetal hair and the countless droplets of mucus be altered by language? Can that ‘unbound imagination’ —— becoming the sole echo in the universe —— be altered by language? That ‘silence’ —— becoming the sole universe —— could it be altered by language? That constricted neck —— either carried away by ‘sheer fantasy’ or left behind by ‘sheer sound’ —— could it too be altered by language? That one-meter-long cloth cord —— either a deft hand of language or a fragment of ashes from desires —— and all the ‘ashes’, ‘desires’, ‘deft hands’, ‘languages’, ‘cloth cords’, ‘sounds’, ‘fantasies’, ‘necks’, ‘sheer’ —— all fleeting and destined to perish —— only ‘pain’ and ‘dead angles’ endure eternally; would these all be altered by language?

Sheer intuition — inevitably exists; there must be a sheer origin, there must be a sheer terminus, there must be pain, there must be dead angles, there must be structures unaltered by language, and there must be structures capable of altering language.

[Unfinished. To be Continued]